well.
like finally.
there's someone who wants to listen everything.
every single detail i need to spill.

for once i can say anything without anyone's point of view which are not required.
i can say anything without any interruptions.
i can say anything without disencouragement.

i can cry my heart out.
in fact, i cried all out.

it felt better, a little bit.










but
wait..










yes
wait..










the fucking damn thing is still here.
yes still here.
its not a dream.
no its not.
so thanks.










cause i know
its not over.










true true.

i wonder where to start?

its been real longgg.

manyyy things i've went through while i was away here.
but no, i did not forget you.
cause before i had anyone to talk to, you were the one i type to.

the last post i update was november last year.
i had a boyfriend.
and i still have.
thanks to my boyfriend, i had a friend.
and my friend was the one who accompany me while i was away here.
she thought me how to stand strong.
every word from her always kept me going.
not that every word from my boyfriend didnt kept me going, its just that..
well its complicated but i know he understand what i mean.
she became my pillar.

normally in a story, when someone say something like this, their pain and nightmare is over.
but not mine.
im still going through it and still have a long way to go.

im not strong.
i swear im not.
but i wonder why im still here.
the feeling is close to dying.
i swear its very very close.
but im still standing.
though i cant take it.

now i feel like crying.

but i cant.

i need to be strong.

i need to show her im strong.

cause she depend on me.

so much on me.

she cant see me cry.

if she did she'll lose hope.

mama.











papa was the reason.










it all started because of him.










i hate him.










sorry i cant continue..
be back soon.